Oh the drama. I went out to a bar with a friend of mine, because it was the 18th birthday of a guy I knew in highschool and she thought I would want to go. Which was true enough, I guess.

So this turned out to be the first time since I turned 18 that I drank, and man, did I ever do it in style. It was really fun though. Acting like a drunken idiot and singing along to kitschy rock songs with some guy I had just met, and stupidly calling my ex-boyfriend and telling him he was a wussy for not coming in when he dropped somebody off. Seriously. He was right outside, and he friggin KNEW I was in there, that's why he didn't come in. What a damn coward. And of course I spoke to him for all of three minutes and he managed to infuriate me beyond belief. As of now I am never speaking to him again. Ok? Ok.

On the bright side, it is awesome to be a girl. I didn't have to pay for a single drink all night.

And MY GOD, I am so confused. Okay, I will try to explain. One of the guys that was there, one of the ones that I went to highschool there, he really confuses me. I mean, I see him about three times a year, when we happen to be in the same place at the same time, and when that happens he always seems really happy to see me, and I'm always happy to see him because he's a great guy, we have alot in common, and he's really cute in a tall awkward sort of way. And everytime I see him he says "see you soon", and then NOTHING. Not a word. Even though he has my email and probably my phone number, I never hear from him. I've tried to contact him but I get nothing, no replies. Just complete silence until the next time I see him. What the hell? I don't want to force the issue because mostly I don't want to look desperate but come on, talk about mixed messages here.

Oh, have I mentioned that he is best friends with the Ex? Because he is. maybe that's what is making this so damn awkward. But all I know is then when we said goodbye on Friday night and he gave me a hug, I never wanted him to let go. Damn.

In a fit of irony and insanity, I told the guy at work that I still sort of have a crush on about this guy, and he told me I should go for it and he saw no reason why it wouldn't work out, but ... I don't know how to go about this. Years of shutting myself off from the outside world have stunted the growth of my social skills. I'm so going to die alone.