So, I made tentative plans with the boy to meet up sometime next week. Yeah, I know, don't give me that look. It's probably a bad idea.

He asked, I agreed. We will go see a movie, we will have the prerequisite chat about how we were young and foolish (although we only ended about six months ago) and where did it all go wrong and bla bla bla. I can't say I haven't wanted to see him lately, for some strange sadistic reason that no one comprehends, not even me. I don't know if it's really that I miss him or that I want him to see me and see that I'm fine and that I'm not a total basketcase without him. You all know about his assholiness with some girl from school, and I sort of want him to know that even though I haven't found anyone I'm still ... okay.

Maybe I'm just strange. Maybe I'm in over my head. It's getting late and, as I do in my late-night wonderings, I am starting to think it was a bad idea and maybe I should cancel.

Hell, we haven't even set a date or time yet, knowing him it won't even happen. And besides, it's about 3 hours out of my life, it won't kill me, right?

Right?