So I'm back. I was thinking of doing this big entry to sum up what's been happening while I haven't written, but that would take too long, and what's the point? I will just put some little points down that I haven't been able to discuss up until now.

1. I'm graduating from highschool. Finally! The 12 years (10 of them at my current school) are finally over! I'm incredibly proud of myself for having graduated.

I've talked to some people about it, and they make it out like I shouldn't be proud. They bring up things like "Oh, you go to private school, there was no way you could fail, cause they help you." Or "It's just highschool, you just wait for college."

Or even worse, "Oh Cam, you've always had good grades, of course you were going to graduate. Nothing to be so cocky about."

What the hell? I actually worked hard to maintain those high grades. I was lazy sometimes, sure I did my fair share of procrastinating, but I studied and booked and projected and examed my ASS off to get those grades. Just because they (the people who have said this to me) decided to settle with mediocre, I have no right to be proud of myself? Please.

2. The boy. Things are going great. He has a wide-spread reputation as a sweet-talker, but the way he says he loves me is so sincere, and it feels so right. Sure, he does stupid things sometimes. He's a teenage boy, don't they all do that? But he doesn't drink anymore, or smoke up, and I'm incredibly proud of him.

There are times where I wonder if we should stay together. There are times when I think to the future. Because our time spent together at school is almost the only time we spend together, because we both have incredibly busy lives. And next year, we're attending different schools. Although it's not like either of us is moving away, but still, I keep wondering if we'll survive. I keep wondering if we should just break it off before he goes to Greece this summer, and spare myself the loneliness of waiting for him to come home.

And then I meet up with him again, like yesterday at his friend's house, and it feels like I want to be with him forever and ever, that I never want to let him go. I always worry when he's away, but then again that's just me. And then I see him again and he takes me in his arms and kisses me and I just melt. He is wonderful.

Then I take a step back and realize that this is just a teenage relationship, and the odds of it lasting very long are incredibly slim, but for now, I'm quite content with it.

3. Number 3 on the list of things I couldn't talk about before is sex. The reason for that is that I highly suspect there were people I know (family or school-related) who had accessed this diary in some way or another. And that made me nervous. Because even the slightest mention of sexual behavior makes you the school whore around where I live. We're not prudes, I mean. I know that there's probably a lot of girls having sex at my school, but it never gets out. EVER. That's just the way things are I guess.

Sex. I haven't had sex yet, but me and the boy have damn well come close, and if it weren't for the fact that we were in his friend's basement and there were almost twenty of our friends on the floor above us, we would've.

It sort of scares me. I mean, don't get me wrong. The boy may not be the most attractive person in the world, but I find him absolutely sexy, and he's very good at doing the things that we HAVe done together. But I just get to thinking ... The boy is my first boyfriend. He was my first date, my first kiss, he was the first to touch me in places no one has ever touched me before, and he was the first to make me feel. so. good. But even though I want to have sex with him (especially on some incredibly horny, sleepless nights), and I know he loves me and finds me beautiful and respects me in every way, I'm worried. He's been my first for so many things, should I make him my first for this? Or am I making too much of a big deal out of my first time? I just don't know.

4. That would be my mom. All I have to say is that she's only nice to me once in a blue moon, and she quickly tries to erase that by being as bitchy as possible the rest of the time. I'm sick of her. I'm starting to understand why my sister moved out at seventeen. I'm just so sick and tired of being afraid of asking permission to do something, even though she OWES me. All through my teenage years, I rarely asked her for money, for a ride, for permission to stay up late. The way I see it, now that I'm finally graduating, I should have the goddamn right to ask for a couple of things once in a while without getting The Bitching of My Life.

That's about all that's going on. I'm glad I could let that out, finally.

I will update more often now.