Last night I had an incredibly horrible dream that the boy and I were fighting and we broke up in the most horrible way possible. I don't want to revisit all the details, because it practically broke my heart. I woke up and I was angry at the boy and at myself. I know I shouldn't be, since all of this is just a figment of my imagination, and the boy would never say such horrible atrocities to me. But it was just ... the worst.

The next part of my entry is directed at one of my favourite journallers, Mandy. She's worried about her boy not saying the infamous L word, love.

I don't know if this will help, but I live the opposite of what you do. My boy says he loves me all the time, and I have yet to say it back to him. I can feel that he's uncomfortable when I sort of avoid the word, and although he hasn't said so, I know he wishes I would just say it. To comfort him.

But the thing is, I just don't know if I really feel that way. I mean, we're teenagers. I've never been in love before, and I don't know if I am now or not. When I figure it out, I'll tell him. I don't want to go blurting it out when I'm not sure. I know Mandy is saying it for the right reasons, but I don't feel like I'm quite ready yet.

I know the feeling is probably not the same for guys, but the point is he has his reasons for not saying it.

And it also sort of bothers me how often the boy uses the word love. It sort of feels like he's ... I don't know ... Abusing it? Disrespecting it? Using it in vain? Sure, it's uncomfortable when someone doesn't say "I love you" back to you, but it's even more uncomfortable when they say it constantly. Like they don't mean it anymore.

I can't stop thinking about that horrible dream. I hurt so bad. I had the dream right before my alarm went off, and there were tears on my face when I woke up.