Friday was the boy's birthday. He neglected to tell anyone because the "birthday beats" given at our school are practically death threats. Seriously, their violence is only rivalled by the lashing of Jesus is The Passion.

I knew his birthday was in March, I just didn't know when exactly. So really I only knew yesterday that he had had his birthday, over e-mail.

That's the way we communicate these days. E-mails. Not people in general, I mean; don't expect me to go into a long tirade about the state of Society or anything. I mean the boy and I, that's how we talk when we're not together.

For some reason, we don't really work on the phone or over instant messenger. When we're physically together, we can talk about nothing in particular all day. But when it comes to phone conversations ... all there is is awkward silence. I guess that's partly my fault. My conversation skills are sorely lacking, because I just never learned that stuff. I'm fine face to face ... the phone freezes me up.

And when we e-mail each other, there's a purpose. We're writing to say something, to talk about our respective days and families and the events in our lives. We can both think about what we're saying before we put it down. There's no backspace key on the phone.

Is it bad that this worries me? When I can see him and touch him and have him there, I can talk to him. But when he's not there, I have to think about it before I say something? I'm afraid that this is all our relationship is ever going to be. That we only really work ... on paper. Well, digital paper, anyway.

I don't want to be worried. I'm happy. I don't want anything to come and ruin that for me. For once in my life, I feel good about something. I miss him when he's not there ... Sometimes i feel like I just want to reach out and have him there ... Weekends are too long. Nowadays I look forward to school.

Yesterday I went to see Dirty Dancing with my sisters and I wished he was there ... For some reason every time I go somewhere I expect him to just show up, like he did at the Talent Show. I know he's not there and yet I'm always looking out for him.

It's unhealthy how much I miss him.

I have a piano recital today ... Wish me luck.