I know I just updated a few minutes ago. If you haven't read that entry yet please do, it's probably far more fascinating than this one. But I just checked my guestbook and I had a message from a diaryland read of mine, Eve, asking :

"when did the boy become THE boy?"

And I can't help but answer it because hey, you gotta give the people what they want.

Once upon a time, the boy was only a boy. We've probably been going to school together since we were in the second grade, and the relationship between us at that time was probably the way it is between everyone boy and girl that age. He had cooties, and I was not going to get near him ever. EVER.

And then high school came along. Now, my school goes from kindergarten to highschool, so all the same people basically stay at that school when high school starts. Now, when high school begins, the boys get separated into two groups : the dateable ones, that all the girls go mushy-gushy for, and the platonic ones, that are just there. The boy was pretty much one of the platonic ones UNTIL he started dating a friend of mine. Then all of a sudden it was "Oh, look, never noticed HIM before ..."

And then him and my friend broke up, and as the good friend that I am I listened to her bitch about him, and I hated him because she did, and everything.

And then they got back together.

And then they broke up again.

At that point he was just "the bastard that broke my friend's heart" (I would learn later that her "broken" heart really wasn't broken at all, although her ego was slightly bruised from getting dumped by someone less popular than her).

And then last year came along. And for some reason we were friends again. Not really-friendly-talking-on-the-phone-making-friendship-bracelets friends, but closer than acquaintances.

And then I got depressed. I mean, really depressed. I remember, anyone who was reading my diary might remember (although I probably updated less often than an elephant gives birth), I was just really down, I didn't want to live anymore, my life was pure shit. That's probably, in my mind, about the time I started referring to him as "THE boy". He was what brought me up one day, what made me even more miserable the next. As most depressed people do I obsessed, I thought up scenarios in my head, I replayed conversations and analyzed their underlying messages ... I was borderline insane.

Then he got ANOTHER girlfriend, and I sank deeper into depression. I was never going to get anywhere. The only person I really cared about was basically taken away from me, because at this point he didn't want to spend time with me anymore. I was a drag, and besides, he had a girlfriend. Why talk to the dark, introspective, practically suicidal girl who sits alone in the library over lunch hour?

Anyway, their relationship sank, and this year, the boy and I started talking again. That's when he actually became THE boy, realistically, not just in my head. My bond with him was no longer a monologue, it was an actual healthy friendship, there was something between us (Phew. I almost used the word "blossoming" there.)

So yeah. Long story short, this boy has probably been the longest standing crush of my existence. Don't ask why; sometimes I look at him and think "Oh lord, what a jackass." But other times ... I don't know, he's sweet, he's cute, he's just great.

Is it just me or are my entries getting longer? I hope I didn't bore you.

See you later.